Pr()n Bailout
I am not making this up. May sweet Jesus headbut me in the groin with His coronet of thorns if I am making this up. May the beautiful but evil daughter of Ming the Merciless, Princess Aura, lure me into a gladiatorial arena where I have to fight Prince Baron of Arboria on a field of upright possibly radioactive daggers if I am making this up.
A socialist friend of mine took umbrage at a Limbaugh remark that "No central planning-type guru is as smart at allocating scarce resources as a free market pricing mechanism. (David Limbaugh, Townhall.com, 6 January 2009)" His reaction to this remark included: "… The market in pornography is for all practical purposes free – and in fact it extends to businesses not normally conceived of as pornographic, such as advertising and most of the daily press – and it is large beyond reckoning. The immensely rational and inconceivably smart invisible hand of the free market allocates enough resources to the wholly irrational goal of intoxication and self-abasement…"
His remark, as far as it goes, is well taken. The free market serves the will of the consumers, and when the consumers will for vices, the market provides vice material. His error is thinking that any other alternative would necessarily do better.
As if to answer him, we now have an example, or, at least, a proposal, of how a socialist top-down economy in which we now live would distribute pornography.
If you do not like the way the Free Market distributes porn, we now have a mechanism in place, the bailout mechanism, whereby those of us who disapprove of porn can have our tax dollars taken from us by the force and terror of the law, and given as a reward to Larry Flint and other members of the (ahem) adult entertainment industry.
In short: capitalism = you spend your money that you earn on your porn. socialism = you spend my money that I earn on your porn. Any questions?
Now, imagine the pathetic supplication that will go on in the halls of Congress when the beggars from the Big Three, tear-stains soiling their cheeks and chins, try to out-grovel Larry Flint, weeping softly as he tells stories of how his best porn model, Little Nell, and his best porn photographer, Tiny Tim, will be thrown out into the snow unless he can keep his doors open.
Ah, the sorrow! Alak and alas and wailaway! The whores might be thrown out onto the street to become, well, whores, or something!
Each will try to paint his industry as the most pathetic, the most needy, and the most necessary for American peace, happiness, and wellbeing. Of course, any industry ACTUALLY ABLE to serve the peace, happiness and wellbeing OF ITS OWN CUSTOMERS will not actually come begging for money anyway.
(When I say "money", of course, I mean Continentals. This is fiat money, not based on gold, and they have no more innate value than the IOU’s a drunk writes on a napkin to buy his next shot of hooch on credit. As of now, all additional taxation will be hidden in the the form of inflation. Fire up the printing presses, Chancellor Barry! It worked so well for Weimar, didn’t it?)
Historians of the future no doubt will gasp in puzzlement, horror and awe when they contemplate the final months of 2008: the capitalist system was overthrown without a shot fired, without a word of protest, and the industries, one after another, banks, finances, automobiles, health care, were placed under the control of soviet-style Czars. The Treasury Secretary, with no fanfare at all, was given all the powers of Caesar, Koenig, Kaiser, and Dictator. There was no debate, and no dissent. Republicans, those alleged fans of small government, led the charge, sabers held high, and blew the trumpets as we all stampeded over the brink.
Is the science of economics too difficult for you to learn, O ye last generation of voters whose votes will actually mean anything? You can learn it from Scrooge McDuck, or you can learn it from a fairytale. The devil who says he can spin straw into gold, and give you something for nothing, will actually demand a steep prize: your first born. He has no power over you, once you know his name. It is not Rumplestiltskin. It is called National Debt. The other name is Fiat Currency.
America, weep like Rachel! You have sold your children to save Wall Street and Detroit. You have sold your grandchildren to save Barnie Frank and Chris Dodd. And now your greatgrandchildren will be slaves of debt so to save Larry Flint.
About John C Wright
John C. Wright is a practicing philosopher, a retired attorney, newspaperman, and newspaper editor, and a published author of science fiction. Once a Houyhnhnm, he was expelled from the august ranks of purely rational beings when he fell in love; but retains an honorary title.
