She Who Must Be Obeyed has Commanded Friday Postings

My beautiful and talented helpmeet, Mrs. John C. Wright, having noticed that I am overdue both for a fiction book and a non fiction book, has conspired with my Jesuit confessor, Father de Casuist that I limit my posting to Fridays.

I react with umbrage! How dare my meek and unassuming wife give me, John C. Wright, absolute lord and master of my own house, an order!

I will go talk with her this instant, and the matter will be drawn to a definite conclusion!

Like all well-domesticated husbands, I tremble and obey. Last time I was uppity, she almost had me thrown into the pit of doom conveniently placed before her throne of absolute power.

You can see the scene from the film clip above, photographed by our home security system. You might wonder why I, John C. Wright (a) look like Count Dooku the Evil Jedi and (b) am the one kneeling and fawning, if I am the absolute master of my house. The answer is simple. (a) I do not look like Count Dooku, I look like Saruman of the Many-Colors, the Evil Istari. (b) I am fawning and bowing so as not to get thrown into the conveniently-placed pit of doom. Ask any married man how this works.

Another clip from our security camera shows Mrs. Wright giving some of our domestics a "lesson in obedience." Now, before you judge her harshly, keep in mind three things:

(1) our domestic servants were planning to sacrifice and eat Leo Vincey, the reincarnation of Callicrates. That horrible Leo Vincey! How I despise him! It is I, Saruman of the Many Colors, and not some blond interloper, who deserves the secret of ultimate power, hidden in Sammath Naur, the cavern of living flame! and

(2) a clever safety feature installed on the conveniently-placed Pit of Doom replaces anyone thrown into it with an unconvincing stuffed dummy, even while his screams continue, so no actual Bedoun cannabals where harmed during the filming of this lesson in obedience. As I recall, the evil version of the Archangel Metatron installed this safety system, after he read in a Pullman novel of the dangers involved when evil-but-beautiful women have access to convenient Pits of Doom.

(3) how else could she hold her soldiers and these pathetic creatures as her subjects? How else but by instilling fear and terror into their very souls? Ask any mother raising small children and large husbands how this works.

You may also wonder why Peter Cushing, otherwise known as Dr. Van Helsing, Vampire Hunter, was the Wright household during these events. I am wondering that too. He keeps giving me odd looks and straining to examine my canine teeth.

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