Who is Space Princess?

Because there has been some debate on whether Space Ponies who are princesses officially qualify as ‘Space Princesses’ I here re-print an article from 2010 which defines the Movement’s official stance on the matter.

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I am happy to announce that the New Space Princess literary movement now consists of two members: me and Edward Willet, a Canadian writer who would be profoundly embarrassed to be associated with me if he knew what a disreputable person I am. But no matter! Recently the SWFA Mansion in New Jersey was rocked and shattered with tumult as Mr. Willet and I disagreed over the definition of who is a “Space Princess” — for example, is Princess Padme of Naboo a Space Princess, or only a Space Senator? Do elected Princesses count? What about a girl whose father is the Tyrant of Pluto — if Pluto is no longer a planet, does that mean she is no longer a Space Princess?

I wonder if the guys over at the New Weird Movement or the Mundane SF Movement or the People’s Front of Judea have to make such nuanced and elaborate definitional arguments just to see what is inside or outside their literary cannon?

We lack as yet a ready definition to cover all forms of Space Princessship. Several possible criteria suggest themselves: (1) Does she wear a crown?  (2) Does she have a bare midriff? (3) Does she have a raygun? (4) Is she from Outer Space? (5) Is she a non-reigning member of the Royal Family? (Non-reigning, because, of course, we are not the Space QUEEN movement — they are our rivals!)

In the interests, therefore, of obfuscating the matter, and making it look as if our literary movement is larger than it really is (three people instead of one and a half) I suggest a survey of all the great classics and popular blockbusters of science fiction, to see which of them can be shoehorned into membership in our mighty literary juggernaut of a movement, perhaps by some sleight of hand or by switching the definitions while you are not looking. Ready? Let’s begin!

WHICH OF THE GREATEST SCI FI STORIES ARE PART OF THE SPACE PRINCESS CANNON?

–The Criteria–

There are three qualities that a book, film, or teleplay must have in order to qualify.

First, the story must have a princess. A gorgeous princess is better than a fat and dumpy princess, but this is not a necessity. If she is not merely gorgeous, but so gorgeous that it breaks your brain, this is better. If she wears a shiny hat to show that she enjoys royal estate, this is even better.

FIRST CRITERION: MUST BE PRINCESS. Note Shiny Hat.
Second, the story has to be make-believe. There is no point in trying to add a real princess, even one who is rather attractive, to the Space Princess cannon of science fiction literature. Science Fiction is about stuff that is made up; real people are real, at least for the most part.


SECOND CRITERION: MUST NOT BE REAL PRINCESS. Note Shiny Hat.

This second criterion has some wiggle room, in that if the story starts with a real princess, such as Cleopatra or someone like that, and makes out that she is really a robot from Mars or the reincarnation of a royal space-tyrant from Pluto or some wild idea like that, it might be allowed.

Cleopatra is so haunted with glamour and legend that we should not hold that fact that she is both real and not from Outer Space against her. Princesses of unusual legendary stature such as Boadicea, Semiramis, Dido, Penthesilia, or Princess Di, or someone else whose historical reality is in doubt, will fit into this Princess Cleopatra exception. But Princesses in this category have to be decided on a case-by-case basis. It also helps if the Princess is jaw-droppingly glamorous such as if she is portrayed by Gina Torres (than whom few actresses are more attractive).


THE CLEOPATRA EXCEPTION

The third and most important criterion is that the Princess be from space or rule space, preferably a planet we have heard of, like Mars, but in any case it has to be a planet, asteroid belt, nebula, galaxy, galactic cluster or supercluster or other heavenly body in space. Princesses from parallel dimension, Oz, Elfland, the World of Tiers, Amber, and the Looking-Glass World do not Count. So the White Queen from Alice is not a Space Princess.

THIRD CRITERION: MUST BE FROM OUTER SPACE 

Princesses who inhabit the extremely far future, especially if the Earth is changed beyond recognition, might be considered. While technically these would be Time Princesses rather than Space Princesses, we dare not enact a rule so strict that it would exclude both the beautiful but diabolically evil Sorainya of the Gyronchi as depicted in Jack Williamson’s The Legion of Time, and her beautiful but virtuous counterpart Lethonee of Jonbar. For one thing, Sorainya is gorgeous, and scantily dressed in a clinging silken shift (which was really risque for 1938), as seen here using her time-projection image to lure an unsuspecting yet intrepid hero to his death in the ocean.


TIME PRINCESSES ALSO COUNT

I would not want to exclude the beautiful but diabolically evil Sorainya of the Gyronchi from consideration as a Space Princess for two reasons. First, I don’t want to anger her, so that she lures me to a watery grave using her time projection powers. (Note the shark fin in the lower left corner of the picture above.) Also, it would be cruel to the beautiful and virtuous Lethonee to exclude her. Second, if we exclude these two from consideration as a Space Princesses, some ill-bred yet logical reader would ask us to reject both the beautiful but diabolically evil Ineznia of Gonwonlane and the beautiful but virtuous L’onee who appear in Two Hundred Millon A.D. by A.E. van Vogt, which might seem, at first glance, to be inspired by a very similar idea (cough, cough, ripoff) as the classic by Wiliamson. So Time Princesses also count, even if they are evil.

Which brings us to the next point:

Please note that Space Princesses can be of any alignment! The beautiful as she is evil daughter of a space emperor is just as much a princess as the beautiful as she is spunky princess captured by the Space Empire and being tortured for the secret location of the rebel base. The difference is that Evil Space Princesses wear lavish eye makeup to make her eyes look more slanted and exotic, I guess because they are suffering from what is technically known as Fah lo Suee envy.
However, according to the official rules, if a Space Princess changes allignment, such as when she breaks the hero out of jail, she looses a level. That may be why super competent and ruthless evil space princesses usually end up, after chapter twelve or so, not doing so much when they turn good. They don’t seem to be that good at being kidnapped, which is one of the main past-times of Lawful Good Space Princesses, or of being spunky, which is the class feat of Chaotic Good Space Princesses.

There are other factors that, while not strict criteria themselves, may decide an otherwise uncertain case. These include whether or not the Space Princess is armed, such as with a ray gun, whether she wears a shiny hat, and whether she dresses in tight clothing which leaves her midriff bare.

Now let us examine possible candidates for induction!

–The Candidates–

1. A Princess of Mars, by Edgar Rice Burroughs.

Justification: Dejah Thoris is (a) from Space and (b) a Princess. She does indeed have a bare midriff, since we are assured that on the remote and sub-arctic temperatures of planet Barsoom (Mars, to you Earthlings) the dress of choice is nudism, accompanied by massive amounts of jewelry. She also gets kidnapped a lot, which is a big mistake, because once John Carter, Warlord of Mars, best swordsman of two worlds is on your trail, just stick a fork into yourself. You’re done. It is like having the Grey Lensman after you. Speaking of which:


The Original Space Princess! Note bare Midriff!

2. Skylark of Space by E.E. ‘Doc’ Smith

Justification: Widely regarded as the first Space Opera and the first novel of interstellar (not just interplanetary) travel. Not only is Sitar of Osnome a princess, but Dorothy Vaneman is elevated to royalty by the Osnomians when she marries Richard Seaton on that remote planet of the Green System at the core of the Galaxy. She also gets kidnapped at least once by Blackie DuQuesne. The Osnomians are also nudists, which must be like a fad in Outer Space or something. Either that, or Sci Fi authors get lonely. I have never read a book where the nudists of Outer Space are overweight or old and saggy or anything.

I am sure there is a Space Princess aboard this ship. Trust me.

3. Dune by Frank Herbert.

Justification: Princess Irulan is clearly a princess. She is from outer space (Salusa Secundus, third planet of Gamma Piscium, to be exact — how is THAT for useless Geek knowledge, Fanboy? I could have spent the same brain cells I used up memorizing that fact to recall something like, I dunno, my phone number). And she is smokin’ hawt, at least when Virginia Madsen portrays her, and I have had a crush on Madsen since my schooldays. I even forgive her for Highlander 2.

Space Princess armed with Jose Ferrer & his Sardaukar Terror-Troops!

4. Foundation, by Isaac Asimov

Justification: Uh. Okay, so this one is a bit of a stretch. But if you remember on the planet Kalgan, there is a minor character named Lady Callia, who is the mistress of the Warlord, and that is almost like a princess. I am the sure the Emperor of Trantor must have a daughter somewhere. Just play along!

Well, Okay, if Foundation does not count, how about 4. City of the Csach and Servants of the Wankh by Jack Vance? Ylin-Ylan, Flower of Cath (known by a dozen other names) was certainly a Princess, and a planet orbiting the star Carina 4269 is certainly in Outer Space.

Ylin-Ylan, the Flower of Cath, armed with a space-gun. Note bare midriff.

I think she is about to go awaile in a minute, so duck. Space Princesses can be tempermental.

The series The Demon Princes by Jack Vance might also make honorable mention. While the five arch-criminals known as the Demon Princes do not have any sisters or daughters that could be called Demon Princesses, Alusz Iphegenia Eperje-Tokay from the mystical planet Thamber is royalty.

5. Glory Road by Robert Heinlein

Justification: Star (not her real name) the sexy space empress, aka Her Wisdom CCIV, is a princess. Oscar (not his real name) calls her Princess. The Twenty Universes are clearly in space, or else they are somewhere. She is also a nudist. I think that this is just a habit some space people have. I mean, c’mon, when is the last time you heard of those Little Gray Men who abduct people wearing clothing?

Space Princess Armed with Bow and Arrow!  Note perfect Hourglass Figure!

6. Weapon Shops of Isher by A.E. van Vogt

Justification: Isher the Empress is a Princess, and her empire extends to colonies on Venus and Mars, which means that she rules an outer space empire, whether or not her capital and headquarters are on Earth. Also, according to the description in the book, Innedal Isher is ferociously intelligent, vivid, graceful, and smokin’ hawt, and I have had a crush on her since my schooldays.

And, while we are at it 7. Players of Null-A by A.E. van Vogt has the daughter of the Earth President Patricia Hardy somehow (with typical vanvogtian Null-A logic) turn out to be Reesha the sister of Enro the Red, tyrant of the Greatest Empire Ever To Exist In Time and Space (which, in my opinion, is the best name for any space empire EVER), so ergo she is royalty. Convenient, if inexplicable. (And, yes, Reesha appears in my sequel, therefore this book 8. Null-A Continuum by John C. Wright is also in the Space Princess cannon.)


Space Princess Armed with Raygun! — Note bare Midriff!

9. Flash Gordon

Justification: this is one of the seminal works of the Space Princess movement, and the one from which we take our inspiration. Space Princess Aura is as evil as she is beautiful.

Hard to tell in this shot, but she does actually have the bare midriff which seems to be de rigour for Space Princesses.

I think Space Princess (when they are Beautiful-But-Evil Space Daughters of Space Tyrants) have to have sinister looking eye makeup.

And bare midriffs are a must.

Princess Aura! Not to be confused with Princess Aurora, who is just as beautiful, even if not as evil.

10. Buck Rogers.

Justification: Princess Ardala. She is as beautiful as she is evil. And as evil as she is beautiful. So there.


As Beautiful As She is Evil!

11. Ringworld by Larry Niven

Justification: I just added this one to the list to see if anyone was paying attention. Nope, no Space Princesses here. Teela Brown is smokin’ hawt as well as being bred for luck, but, no. No dice. Sorry.

12. Star Wars

Justification: One the one hand, we have Princess Leia and her smokin’ hawk mom, Princess Padme. On the other hand, when George Lucas made the three prequel movies he not only RUINED MY CHILDHOOD JUST TO SELL TOYS and ergo emotionally scarred me for life, he also added the rather dumb idea that (a) Jedi mind-powers come from midi-chlorians in the bloodstream, and (b) the princesses of Naboo serve an elective office rather than ruling because of the Divine Right of Kings as bestowed by the Great Galactic Spirit and the terror of the Imperial Space Marines who will serve any uppity space-democracy-types with a ferocious space-jackboot to the neck. Which confused me. So the first three movies both emotionally scarred me for life and also confused me.


Galactic Royalty! — Note Bare Midriff

Galactic Royalty doing her royal Fonz impersonation  — Wait. Who is that? Some Space Commoner!
Galactic Royalty! — And cute as a button!

13. Star Trek

Justification: Um. This one is also a bit of a stretch. I am sure one of those space babes on one of those shows at some point had to have been a member of some royal family. Stands to reason. Wasn’t the mother of Spock’s brother Sybok a princess? I don’t recall what the class of T’Pring of Vulcan was, but she has the same eye makeup as Princess Aura of Mongo. Does that count?


Vulcan Space Princesses?
Or just a private citizen with Space Princess Eye Makeup?

14. He-Man and the Masters of the Universe

Justification: Prince Adam of Eternia must have a mom or a sister or something. Was She-Ra from a royal family? And what about Evil-Lyn, the beautiful but evil space sorceress and necromanceress? It certainly looks like she is wearing a crown, and as far as I can tell from the cartoon, her father, the Faceless One, is absolute ruler of his domain, and I never believed that backstory about her being a schoolteacher from Earth named Evelyn Powers. And she has the evil Space Princess eye makeup. And I have a crush on Meg Foster. I am sure that that counts.

Space Princess or simply an Evil-but-Lovely Space Sorceress? We report, you decide!

15. Nine Princes in Amber by Roger Zelazny

Justification: In addition to the Nine Princes, there are at least four princesses (Fiona, Flora, Llewella, Deirdre) , but I do not know if Planet Amber counts as a planet. It is in another dimension, not in Outer Space. Unfortunately, much as I like these books, they do not qualify.

16. She by H. Rider Haggard

Justification: Cumae is not a planet, but a ruins in darkest Africa, so I guess that Ayesha She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed is not a Space Princess. However, she is as Evil as she is Beautiful, perhaps the first of that description, and I wanted to post a picture of Ursula Andress:

Evil-but-Lovely Sorceress! But not a Space Princess!

17. Roswell

Justification: I know what you are thinking. “Isn’t Roswell a TV show from a few years back starring Katherine Heigl, an actress so gorgeous that it might break your brain to look at her? Wasn’t that show about a group of teens, two hawt girls and two hunky guys, in New Mexico who discovered they were space aliens? So ergo the show is about smokin’ hawt space teens, and not about smokin’ hawt space princesses, n’est-ce-pas?”Well, loyal reader, stow your fancy French phrases! Your thesis might be right so far as it goes, but in the second season, it was revealed that the four smokin’ hawk and/or smokin’ hunk (depending on your sexual orientation) teens were none other than the Royal Four, of which two of them, the gorgeous Tess (who was evil) and the brain-breakingly gorgeous Isabel, would therefore be Space Princesses!


Gorgeous But Evil Space Princess Tess


Brain-Breakingly Gorgeous Space Princess Isabel

Here, for your viewing pleasure, is a rare space photo, taken by the NASA space agency of Space Princess Valandra of the Winter Hexagon, wearing her crown and her robes of state, talking with her mouth open. Sorry about the fuzzy definition, but this was taken by the Hubble Space Telescope before the new lens was put in in 1996.

Space Princess Valandra with her Mouth Open (NASA file photograph)

I think my brain just broke.

18. Krull

Justification: For those of you who look back with disdain that the cinematic masterpiece known as Krull, let me just say, Krull was AWESOME. You just have to be nine to enjoy it, and have philistine, pedestrian tastes. Like mine. I can proof it was awesome by reference to the list of awesome things in it. Did it not have the spinning eight-armed switchblade thingie that the hero controlled with his mind, which was like a batarang, only awesomener? It did! And giant spiders? And cyclopes, shape-changers, and a dark castle that teleported to a different spot every night? Did it not have the hero and heroine able, at the last minute, and for no reason whatsoever, without the slightest pretense at logic or sense able to shoot out superawesome blasts of raging flame? And did it not have Frank Langella as Skeletor? Or was that another movie?In any case, despite its look and feel as a fantasy film, this was a science fiction (I think) just in the tradition of Dragonriders of Pern or Darkover or other books that placed faux medieval trappings and props in front of science fictional space backdrops .

But it also had Lysette Anthony as Princess Lyssa, mother of the future ruler of the Galaxy. Like many a Space Princess of the Spunky-Good alignment, she gets space-kidnapped by a monster called The Beast, or maybe by a beast called The Monster, I forget which, and she helps the hero rescue her be suddenly being able, with at the last minute, and for no reason whatsoever, without the slightest pretense at logic or sense able to shoot out superawesome blasts of raging flame.

Space Princess armed with Fireball!

19. Crest of the Stars by Hiroyuki Morioka

Justification: Abriel Nei Debrusc Borl Paryun Lafiel is quitre clearly a princess and from outer space. Indeed, she is more from outer space than most of our other candidates, because her race was genetically bred for space conditions. Unlike every other Space Princess here, she neither bares her midriff, is diabolically evil, or gets kidnapped. Instead she does the kind of thing real royal family members do, like join the Navy and learn the art of government. If you look closely, you can see her shiny hat, and while she does not have the space eye makeup we are used to, she does have some impressive space ears.She is shown here armed with a space cat rather than a ray-gun, but if you’ve seen the anime, this pic is slightly creepy, since that cat might or might not be her Mom.


Space Princess with Creepy Space Cat

20. Perelandra by C.S. Lewis

Justification: The Green Lady of Venus, also known as Tinidril, is clearly a monarchic, if not sacerdotal, ruler of this principality. Her superior station is recognized both by the human traveler and by the evil archangel sent to tempt her. And Venus, unlike completely mythical planets like Pern, Krypton, and Pluto, is a for-real place.Is she really a Space Princess? Opinions differ. One the one hand, she does not have a shiny hat, nor is she armed with a raygun. She is armed with a philologist from Earth named Elwin Ransom.

On the otherhand, like Star the Sexy Space Empress, and Sitar of Osnome, the Green Lady is a nudist. Also, like Eve from Milton’s Paradise Lost, the Green Lady is described as being the classical poetic version of Smokin’ Hawt:

She, as a veil down to the slender waist,
Her unadornèd golden tresses wore
Dishevelled, but in wanton ringlets waved
As the vine curls her tendrils—which implied
Subjection, but required with gentle sway,
And by her yielded, by him best received—
Yielded, with coy submission, modest pride,
And sweet, reluctant, amorous delay.
Nor those mysterious parts were then concealed:
Then was not guilty shame. Dishonest shame
Of Nature’s works, honour dishonourable,
Sin-bred, how have ye troubled all mankind
With shews instead, mere shews of seeming pure
And banished from man’s life his happiest life,
Simplicity and spotless innocence!
So passed they naked on, nor shunned the sight
Of God or Angel; for they thought no ill:
So hand in hand they passed, the loveliest pair
That ever since in love’s embraces met—
Adam the goodliest man of men since born
His sons; the fairest of her daughters Eve.

Fortunately, I was able to find an artistic conception of the appearance of C.S. Lewis’s lovely yet dignified character.

Tinidril of Perelandra. Armed with Elwin Ransom
Ho, ho, just kidding! That is not Tinidril of Perelandra! It is Batgirl, in her disguise as sensual yet psychotic green Librarian Barbara Gordon.Here is the real picture of Tinidril. Albeit why Ransom describes her as so attractive is hard for me to put my finger on.
There you have it! 20 possible candidates for induction into the Space Princesss movement. And remeber we must stop the Mundane Science Fiction movement at all cost! Our motto: If Outer Space is filled with nubile, fertile and comely yet lonely royalty, able to reproduce comfortably with Earthboys, and eager to be rescued, then even a loser can get a date!

38 Comments

  1. Comment by Paul Weimer:

    Re: Krull. Funny enough, John, the latest SF Signal podcast we recorded, about Mars (and John Carter), we did get briefly sidetracked a bit onto the subject of Krull.

    • Comment by John C Wright:

      I listened. I liked very much the comment: “Inflicting A PRINCESS OF MARS with the title JOHN CARTER is like calling RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK by the title HENRY JONES JR.”

      But you should have dwelt far longer on KRULL! Sheer awesomsauce from my lost vanished youth!

  2. Comment by WyldCard4:

    OBJECTION!

    Tess was a Space Queen. This is fairly clear. Max was always the King, his father having died. He even appeared to have married Tess after he ascended to his throne (could be wrong on that detail). Tess was not a Space Princess, as her husband was king. She applied to most of these definitions, but not that one, I am sorry to say.

    Yes, Roswell was awesome, when it didn’t forget itself.

  3. Comment by KokoroGnosis:

    Ach! Skylark spoilers! Ah well, I’ve only got about 50 pages left.

  4. Comment by DGDDavidson:

    I’m still confused!

  5. Comment by The Ubiquitous:

    Mr. Wright! I just found out that Ridley Scott is doing a whole movie based on one premise of your book Count to a Trillion! Or maybe based on a similar premise used in the later Firestar books. Whatever.

  6. Comment by Foxfier:

    SPOILER WARNING:

    Just for a couple of points, won’t ruin the story, but I’m giving fair warning.

    I suggest expanding the definition to all princess-like positions. On language barrier grounds– and because it’d be awesome to have Kitai, the beautiful daughter of a clan-leader for the Marat hordes in the Codex Alexia series by Jim Butcher. Beautiful, check; exotically tilted eyes, check; chaotic– or at least orange and blue morality– good, check; bare midriff… well, she’d rather be topless, as is the custom for her people, so I think that counts.
    So my argument hinges on it being a PERN-style psudo-fantasy, because it’s set in the future, on a planet that could be reached from Earth, and there’s a whole bunch of psychic stuff.

    • Comment by Foxfier:

      Hm… maybe some sort of control for Women Of Power who sure have the royal air, but may or may not have the paperwork. Evil-Lyn, for example. (Wasn’t She-Rah He-Man’s cousin? So she’s a royal cousin, at least.)

      Call it the Sorceress’ Addendum or something. Sub-rule? Is that a word?

      • Comment by deiseach:

        She-Ra is He-Man’s twin sister, who was abducted at birth (or shortly thereafter) by Hordak, leader of the Evil Horde, and ended up being raised as a Force Captain of the Horde on Etheria.

        In her secret identity/alter ego, she is Princess Adora, so she definitely counts as a Space Princess. I don’t think she had a bare midriff (her brother was the one for that) but she did have the shiny hat and big sword, and (I think?) a pegasus as a mount? So a winged horse should make up for lack of midriff-baring!

  7. Comment by Suburbanbanshee:

    I’m sure this was mentioned in the comments to the original post, but of course “Elaan of Troyius” was a space princess (or space Dolman). I think you could argue Miramanee from “The Paradise Syndrome” (as the chief’s daughter and tribal priestess); and the Horta. (Who definitely had a bare midriff.)

  8. Comment by Pierce O.:

    You know you’re a hopeless fanboy when your first thought after reading all this isn’t “ZOMG, look at all the hawt space princesses!!!”, but is instead, “Wait a minute, I thought Salusa Secundus was the prison planet where the Sardaukar are trained and that Irulan was from Kaitain.” :D

    • Comment by John C Wright:

      I am a hopeless fanboy, because my first thought was, “Wait a minute — I thought Corrino was the name of the Imperial planet, not Kaitain. Or is that just the name of the ruling House?”

      And all these years, I thought Salusa Secundus was the name of the Imperial planet, and that it had been a penal colony, and that after the Sardaukar terror troops were trained up to being major cosmic badasses like our American Marine Corps, the Sardaukar took over known space. (I thought it was parallel to how the Rome of Romulus originally was a place exiles and criminals went.) Shaddam IV foresaw Arrakis being used in the same way.

  9. Comment by Earl Wajenberg:

    My only reservation about Tinidril as a Space Princess is that her rank is too HIGH. When she isn’t referred to as “the Lady,” she is usually referred to as “the Queen.” However, the events of her story are dated to 1942, so she has undoubtedly had several daughters and granddaughters by now, all of whom would be space princesses.

    To add more space-princess credit, the father and grandfather of these projected space princesses, Tor, has clearly announced his intention of invading Earth, in the grand tradition, once the population of Perelandra reaches a high enough level. Given the precedents in the story, they may not even bother with space ships, so it would be like an invasion of green nudist Kyrptonians (and their allies, a horde of dead Earthlings (a.k.a. “saints”) and assorted nonhuman aliens).

  10. Comment by DGDDavidson:

    You can’t, because I think I might use it.

  11. Comment by JRispoli:

    I’ve been scanning the Space Princess discussion in hopes of finding mention of my favorite anime series of all time (well, since 1950, at least), Urusei Yatsura (aka Those Obnoxious Aliens) based on the manga series by Miss Rumiko Takahashi, who has since done several lesser works as well since then. The manga ran from 1978 – 1986, and the anime series ran from 1981 – 1986. Lum was the old school Anime Fans’ first pinup girl due to her looks and the character’s pure adorableness.

    The series is a comedic high school romance that includes elements of Science Fiction, Fantasy, History, Mythology, and pokes fun at Pop Culture as well. The closest American animated show to match it’s tone would be the classic Rocky and Bullwinkle show.

    How well does this fit your criteria? Let’s check em off:

    (1) first, is there a hot babe in a skintight and/or revealing future-suit at any point in the film?

    A) Princess Lum of Oni-boshi an inhabited moon/planet circling an unidentified Gas Giant Planet in the Tau Ceti system. The Cutest Space Princess of all time, adored and/or admired by all, who lost her heart to a worthless cad (named Ataru) who could care less about her or her heartfelt true love for him (or does he?) There’s the rub!

    When not in a Japanese schoolgirl Fuku/Sailor suit dress, she’s usually wearing her planet’s traditional garb (which consists of a tiger-striped bikini with a matching set of boots.) In combat, she is known to wear an armored, helmeted and caped ‘Battle Bikini’ complete with an energy blaster sidearm. Oh, and did I mention she can fly and toss lightning bolts? (Usually at her “Darling” who occasionally (almost constantly) does something to really tick her off.)

    But she loves Ataru and her true devotion to him won’t let her leave his side, despite the outraged demands, pleas and concerns of those who believe he’ll only hurt her.

    B) Goddess/Space Princess Benten, Space Biker Babe extraordinaire, leader of a female gang of flying motorcyclists who are modernized personifications of the Chinese Lucky Gods. Posesser of a skimpy armored outfit, a huge energy bazooka and a heck of a powerful right hook, she’s always looking for a good fight. She’s Lum’s closest compatriot and a very good person to have watching your back. (My personal favorite cast member.)

    C) Princess Kurama, a very cute Space Chick, sent to Earth to find a mate. Half Japanese and half alien Crow-Goblin, with an outfit that shows off her feminine
    attributes quite nicely. Her main problem is that there aren’t many decent guys to choose from among the cast of weirdos, misfits and “already-spoken-for” guys she
    meets.
    Kurama’s situation inspired a classic Star Trek: The Next Generation episode “The Perfect Mate” (Season 5 Episode 21) where a meddling Ferengi prematurely opens a
    diplomatic container, waking the empathic metamorph Kamala, who was bred and raised to be a living gift to seal a peace agreement with a splintered off group of her
    race.

    D) Princess Oyuki of Neptune, one of Lum’s best friends. She’s a very traditional girl, normally calm, collected and very business-like. Everyone with an ounce of sense is terrified of upsetting her, because she has been shown to be capable of freezing entire city blocks solid when she gets riled. Normally clothed in a Kimono, she has been known to wear a fairly revealing one-piece icy swim suit on occasion.

    E) Ran-chan – Lum’s childhood best friend, who seems very cute and adorable, but has a hair-trigger temper that reveals her other persona, a vicious, back-stabbing
    psychopath, skilled in the use of poison, witchcraft and high technology to make the target of her wraith very uncomfortable, very quickly. Oh, did I mention she
    blames Lum for nearly every bad thing that ever happened to her? (scary thing is, she’s right most of the time!)
    She normally wears very cute, fluffy and frilly pink dresses, she also occasionally wears a tight-fitting one piece swimsuit style outfit that shows off her feminine
    attributes. She’s madly in love with Lum’s alien ex-boyfriend Rei, who is so dumb he doesn’t realize that Lum broke up with him years ago, due to his fixation on eating. And when upset, he monsters out from his “knock-em dead” alien guy looks into a Godzilla-sized Tiger-Bull shape that has an appetite to match. (almost a Gorilla…)

    F) Shinobu Miyake – The “Girl Next Door” who starts the series as Ataru’s long-time (and long-suffering) girlfriend… Normal? Well, not quite… When she gets angry (usually at Ataru, or guys in general) her strength increases tremendously, enabling her to lift (and throw) heavy objects at the target of her wrath. She starts out as Lum’s competitor for Ataru’s love, but gives up pursuing Ataru (after she realizes how he really feels about Lum), and becomes Lum’s closest Earthborn friend.

    G) Nurse Sakura – A mid-20s young woman who was cursed from childhood with various illnesses and demons until they transferred all their maladies to Ataru (the
    unluckiest boy in the universe… or is he?) She gets the job of school nurse at the local high school (where most of the regular cast attends class) and sidelines as a Shinto Priestess, investigating various magical issues that pop up from time to time. One of the cast’s favorite pastimes is to harass Miss Sakura and her boyfriend (who happens to be a descendant of the Wizard of Oz) while on their rarely occuring dates. Why do I mention Miss Sakura? She’s so well endowed that practically everything she wears is skintight.

    There are lots of other cute girls in the series who show up intermittently and complicate Lum and Ataru’s relationship even further.

    (2) Is there a gorilla?

    I can’t remember one offhand, but in the 196 half-hour episodes of the series, 13 Original video adapations and 6 full-length movies, I’m sure there are some
    gorillas in there somewhere… everything else is.

    (3) Is there a robot?

    As a matter of fact, YES! Plenty of em! The one who really stands out is CAO2, the robotic teacher the alien girls had as an instructor back in elementary school, and the things they do to him show just how much in need of civilizing the little hellions were. He shows up on Earth to check on their behavior years later, and proceeds to give them the rightful treatment they deserve.

    (4) Does any character have Way Cool mind powers?

    Yes!

    And, most importantly, (5) Does a planet get blown up?

    Yes… well, sort of.. grin.

    Here’s one of my favorite 1/2 hour UY Original videos made in the mid-90s after the TV Series ended. It has a good mix of the main characters in it, and a story that
    shows off just how hectic things could get in just a few minutes.

    (Warning: There is a 20 second nudity sequence near the end of the episode. Nothing perverse, just a few of the characters taking a hot bath to recover from the events they’ve been through during the episode.)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=luHPOlwJvEM

    Looks like YouTube has most (if not all of the anime series online at this time.)

    This series alone has lots of winsome (and desperate) Space Princess to rescue!

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