Harriet Klausner Review!

I assume this seems funny only to me, since, at this date, I am the only one who has read my book so far. Some of the sentences have that odd, mechanical sound of a sentence translated by Google translate from a foreign language.

So that those who have not read the book will see the humor, I will add corrections and comments in parenthesis.

The Hermetic Millennia
John C. Wright
Tor, Dec 24 2012, $25.99
ISBN: 9780765329288

Crew members of the starship Hermetic discover the alien warehouse [sic: a Monument the size of a small moon], which contained [contains-agreement of tense] advanced knowledge and an energy source [the Monument does not contain an energy source, but circles a star made of antimatter, which is an energy source] way beyond what humanity knew [knows]. Menelaus Montrose and Zimen [Ximen] “Blackie” Del Azarchel had two diverse [divergent] visions of a future earth. Whereas Montrose wants his home planet to thrive with the shared discovery and prepares to challenge the alien menace, Blackie feels the need to reengineer the species to make them worthy of the warehouse [Monument] owners [,] the Domination of Hyades when they return [invade] in eight millennia to determine whether enslaving mankind is worthy of them [Other way around: whether mankind is worth enslaving][and a run on sentence]. Blackie wins the first round as he persuades other crew members this is the only way their species survives the return [invasion] [which happened in the first volume, in the opening chapters].

Meanwhile Menelaus turns to cryo sleep to be there when the Domination of Hyades return [returns] to harvest earthlings in eight millennia and his wife Rania travels in deep space to confront the Hyades’ executive leader [Actually correct! However, a run on sentence]. Only thirty-five years into his sleep [actually, 134 years, from 2401 to 2535], Sir Knight [Sir Guyon] awakens him. Apparently, Blackie’s Blue Men horde assaulted the tombs where Montrose and others lied [lie] dormant. [And this happens in AD 10515, and is not the reason Sir Guyon wakes him]. Obviously Blackie continues to prepare earth for the return [invasion] of the Hyades with him as overseer of the humans.

The second crew [volume] of the Hermetic [not the name of the series] science fiction thriller [not a thriller] (see Count to a Trillion) is an exhilarating complex tale as rhere [there] are two visions that compete for mankind’s future. Convoluted and difficult to read [not as difficult as this review] with so many competing concepts involved, readers who appreciate a profound look at the impact on society by a quantum [sic] advance in science and technology [not what the story is about] will enjoy this strong saga.

Harriet Klausner

It would be petty of me to complain. The review is a favorable one, and the basic idea is correct, the she got most of the names right. I just suspect that Mrs Klausner copied a review from a foreign language website, auto-translated it, and posted it without reading it, or the book.

Still, getting reviewed is better than getting ignored! Still, back before I had my first book published, I had no reviews! I enjoy complaining about this much more than not having any reviews to complain about!

Besides, the book does not come out for another month.

You can preorder it here: http://www.amazon.com/The-Hermetic-Millennia-John-Wright/dp/076532928X

To aid your buying decision, please be advised that if you do not buy my books, I not be able to afford to feed my kitten, Fluffsnuffle, and therefore will shoot her rather than watch her starve, and it will be your fault.

She will appear as a ghost on moonless nights beneath your window sill, scratching and mewling pathetically to be let in out of the cold.

Ho ho! I am just kidding, gentle readers! If I were truly starving, I would not shoot Fluffsnuffle!  Never! Not in a million years!

If I were starving, I would COOK her instead, along with her littermates, Whiskerdroop and Gigglenose. Yum, yum. Cat stew. This is what I will be having for Thanksgiving dinner if you fail to purchase the book.

Please consider carefully your options while deciding how many copies in hardback to buy for yourself, your Boy Scout Troop, all your neighbors, your county and statewide library system, and the entire population of Wales.




  1. Comment by buzz:

    Think of the kittens! I must purchase this (these?) now. The books, not the kittens. Although, if I must, to save them from stewing, I would purchase kittens as well.

  2. Comment by deiseach:

    For once, I have anticipated you and have already pre-ordered through Amazon before reading this entry, Mr. Wright!

    It is wonderful to see how reviews are written. Perhaps Mrs. Klausner is of the Sydney Smith School (“I never read a book before reviewing it; it prejudices a man so”) but at least her opinion is favorable!


  3. Comment by KokoroGnosis:

    Oh, good. I was growing impatient. Rest assured, it will be pre-ordered with my next paycheck!

  4. Comment by Boggy Man:

    And I though my reviews were bad.

  5. Comment by WyldCard4:

    Planning on Kindle ordering it as soon as it comes out. Thanks for reminding me.

  6. Comment by Carbonel:

    Unfortunately, as my husband is the proud owner of an “I like cats. I just can’t eat a whole one by myself” T-shirt, the threatened fate of the kittens is less likely to inspire a purchase.

  7. Comment by Sean Michael:

    For my birthday, I was given copies of THE PHOENIX EXULTANT and THE GOLDEN TRANSCENDENCE (I’ve already perused the first volume, THE GOLDEN AGE). I look forward to reading these works next month. Mr. Wright wrote these books partly as a homage to Poul Anderson’s four HARVEST OF STARS books and partly, I think, to develop certain ideas those works suggested to him.

    Sincerely, Sean M. Brooks

  8. Comment by Nostreculsus:

    My copy of Count to a Trillion was submerged during some recent rain. This has oddly transformed the book into a blackened, strangely bulging and fungoid tome. Weird, cabalistic symbols may be faintly discerned in the brown and warped pages, whose unnatural geometries almost suggest portals to forbidden and non-Euclidean realms.

    While it is delightful to place this work next to my copies of De Vermis Mysteriis, Sprenger’s Malleus Maleficarum and the accursed 1832 edition of Burke’s Landed Gentry, I am certainly willing to purchase a fresh copy as a companion to his new thriller, The Hermetic Millenia, provided only that Mr Wright makes good on his promise to sacrifice those ugly cats. Exterminate all the brutes!

    Although cats are disgusting vermin that must be put down, I must warn against any plan to consume their meat in a stew. It is just too dangerous. Science tells us that cats are infested with symbiotic parasites that lodge in the brains of those unfortunates exposed to cats. These parasites then control the minds of the human victim, convincing him to shelter cats, to feed cats and to serve all cat purposes. There are even sad cases where the infested human’s perceptions are so disordered, so that he finds the cats “cute”, and “fluffy”, rather than as the diseased and repulsive beasts they truly are. Any such infested humans should be reported for medical decontamination at once.

    At least, that is what the parasites from my faithful golden retriever, Scout, are telling my brain. He is truly man’s best friend.

    • Comment by Sean Michael:

      Hi, “nostreculsis”:

      One point puzzles me. What makes the 1832 edition of BURKE’S LANDED GENTRY “accursed”? And I actually have a copy (translated) of the MALLEUS MALEFICARUM, btw.

      Sincerely, Sean M. Brooks

      • Comment by Nostreculsus:

        The tale of the 1832 edition of Burke’s Landed Gentry was told to me in whispers by my rich Uncle Ebenezer, who keeps a copy under lock and key. He does not dare to read this accursed text.

        I seems that when this compendium was being prepared, the editors excluded a certain Mr Karswell of Lufford Abbey, Warwickshire. Now Mr Karswell styled himself an alchemist and arranged for certain unsavoury additions to the printer’s ink.

        Somehow, the book gives the true origins of the wealth and social position of all those listed. Of course, it was suppressed and no one who has this volume will admit its existence except to others also implicated in its guilty secrets.

        And that is why the official story is that the first edition of Burke’s Landed Gentry came out in 1833.

  9. Comment by lampwright:

    When I got to the picture of what you were going to do instead of shooting the kitten, I laughed so hard I nearly choked.

    I do hope your mother-in-law never sees this, I was so enjoying having you for a husaband.

    • Comment by Bruno Moreno:

      “I do hope your mother-in-law never sees this, I was so enjoying having you for a husband.”

      I loved that sentence. I motion for it to be used in used in Mr. Wright’s next novel. As the opening sentence, if possible.

  10. Comment by brandabar:

    I’m rereading Count to a Trillion as a refresher. It’s considerably improved upon the second read–feels far less rushed and choppy and the plot more focused, intense, and urgent. Perhaps, like good whiskey, it takes some initial burn to acquire the taste.

    Oddly, I find my mind inserting the Earth bits from the Forever War, which I read since my initial read of CtaT, into various historical gaps. So much so that I occasionally get the two worlds confused and keep expecting Montrose to visit his mother in a sad little highrise condo before fleeing to a remote cropshare with his girl.

  11. Comment by Andreas:

    I thought it was common knowledge that “Harriet Klausner” is publishing fake reviews to push books. She rates books only with 4 or 5 stars and has written >28’000 reviews…

    Probably it’s a shared account that belongs to an outsourced office in India.

    • Comment by John C Wright:

      Of course. I am mocking her pretensions. Nonetheless, she once wrote me a kind note, so I will not be malicious in condemning her, but I will warn any with ears to hear that she is selling snake oil. She wants to earn an unearned reputation. Not all theft is of material things for material reasons. Indeed, men are much more often motivated by a craving for the good opinions of those whom they respect.

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