Matt Walsh checks his Cisgender Whiteness

This is the best Matt Walsh column EVER.

Mr Walsh receives an unintentional self-parody email from the lunatic asylum placed in the middle of the fever swamp in the Eighth Circle of Hell (Which, if you recall your Dante, is the home of the Left: Panderers & seducers, flatterers, simoniacs, soothsayers, grafters, hypocrites, thieves, false counselors, sowers of discord, falsifiers):

I read this email from a reader, and now I’ve spent the whole day checking all over my house to find my privilege. I don’t know, I must have misplaced it:

Hi Matt,

First I’d like to say that you are the absolute worst. I’ve got you blocked on Facebook and I’ve unfollowed anyone who Retweets your horrible bull sh*t. I think you’re a genuinely bad person who somehow stumbled upon a way to make a lot of money writing hateful sh*t on the internet. Congrats. You’re one of the internet’s most famous douchebags. Your mother must be so proud. I just want to tell you that the world has had enough of cisgender white guys whining about all of the evil women and minorities. Even though I’ve done everything to avoid your articles, for some reason I still come across them. I decided to read your last couple of posts, and all I saw was a privileged white middle class man telling women how to live our lives. You’ve been so protected and coddled that you don’t even realize how stupid you sound.

It’s easy when everything is handed to you in life. It’s easy when you don’t have to worry about rape, discrimination, microaggressions, and systematic oppression.

It’s easy when OUR ENTIRE SOCIETY is set up to give you, the Straight White Man, all of the privileges and advantages. The patriarchy exists to elevate you above everyone else, and you still have the f*cking nerve to complain that women are allowed to use birth control or gays are allowed to love each other? Life is easy for you. You sit at home and blog all day. You have no idea what it’s like for the rest of us. You have no idea what you have to go through when you don’t have the benefit of being a privileged white suburban male. I know you like to laugh about all of the “silly girls” in gender studies classes, but maybe you should actually do some research on the subject yourself. I can send you my textbooks if you want. White males have been responsible for the worst oppressions from the crusades all the way to f*cking slavery, and now you cry that your “religious freedom” is violated because women are using birth control? You’re f*cking disgusting. Check your privilege, assh*le.


Hi Kira,


Go ahead and assume that everything has been handed to me.

Assume that I was issued a White Dude Membership Card, and I can pull it out in any situation — job interview, traffic court, airport security, Six Flags, etc — and automatically receive first class treatment.

My comment: Why do these people even try? What is the purpose of this behavior? I have written many times trying to understand the heart of darkness called Progressivism, sometimes called Morlockery, but such public pronouncements of their own mental and moral inferiority seems to be a meaningless verbal ritual which they do for no reason to accomplish nothing, and then they get their heads metaphorically handed to them.

Read the whole thing, but especially linger over the postscripts:

P.S. Please use real words when you write to me. I like Dr. Seuss, too, but I think adult conversations require actual language. “Cisgender” is not a real word. As far as I can tell, it was just invented by some guy on the internet back in 1995. I know all words have to start somewhere, but when they’re born in a chatroom because a transsexual activist wanted to come up with a label that would normalize his behavior, I can’t help but balk.

‘Cisgender’ is a term regurgitated by pretentious snobs to describe a person who ‘identifies with the gender assigned to them at birth.’ In other words, a ‘cismale’ is just a male. He’s a man who is a man. We already have a word for him: man. But progressives are incapable of winning an argument without manipulating language, so now we have this other word for him.

A cis is a person who is who they are. Make sense?

Of course not.

Also, Kira, how dare you call me a man in the first place? The funny thing about ‘cisgender’ is that you automatically contradict yourself the moment you use it to describe anyone. If gender is fluid, and if, in this progressive utopia, ‘male’ and ‘female’ are but select options on a three-dimensional spectrum which allows all of us to be male, female, neither, both, or some mixture, then you cannot ever confidently identify another human being by their gender. I never told you that I identify by the gender assigned to me at birth, so, by your own convictions, only a reactionary Neanderthal would be so primitive as to hoist that identity upon me.

And even if I did tell you, at one point, that I identify as male and that I was born a male, how do you know that I haven’t since expanded my understanding of my own gender expression (or whatever)?

That’s the thing about you progressive ‘gender is non-binary’ types, you don’t even have the guts to live by your own rules.

P.P.S. I never said that women ‘shouldn’t be allowed to use birth control.’

P.P.P.S. I’ve never used the phrase ‘silly girls.’

P.P.P.P.S. I never said gays ‘shouldn’t be allowed to love each other.’ I’m not even sure how that law could be enforced in the first place.

P.P.P.P.P.S. White males are responsible for slavery? So the Egyptians, the Mayans, the Chinese, the Indians, the Arabs — these were all white civilizations, were they? And the Africans who both owned and sold slaves, they were also white? OK, then I guess the good news for us white folk is that we can now take credit for the pyramids and algebra. After all, if you’re going to hang the sins of every civilization around our necks, we should at least get to claim their achievements as well.

Or you could put down the gender books, pick up a history book, and realize that you’d be very hard pressed to find a form of evil unique to the white man. Our history is stained by violence and tyranny, but so is the history of all people, from Central America, to Africa, to China and beyond.

By the way, the Europeans and the Americans were among the first to abolish the terrible institution, while some countries in Africa and the Middle East have yet to come on board the abolition bandwagon. Maybe you should go talk to them.

P.P.P.P.P.P.S. I’m not sure how the Crusades are relevant here. Muslims violently conquered two-thirds of the Christian world, so Pope Urban II called a crusade to reclaim what was lost and protect Christian pilgrims in the Holy Land. This is an example of ‘white privilege’ because… because, why exactly? I’m confused. This seems to be an example of men rushing into battle to fight and die for a cause greater than themselves, just as men did at Yorktown, at Bull Run, at Normandy, and in countless other battles across the globe and throughout history. But, yes, I’m sure those cisgender males in those fields and on those beaches felt quite privileged while they laid there choking on their own blood, trying to keep their guts from spilling out of their stomachs.

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. You’re right, my mother is proud. She always brags about me to her friends. “Your son is a heart surgeon? Well mine is one of the internet’s most famous douchebags.” A very prestigious title, indeed.


  1. Comment by Montague:

    The P.S. reminds me of this post by Marc Barnes:
    …Where the BadCatholic fellow makes the same point, but in his more flowery and dizzyingly kung-fu fashion.

    Anyway, absolute hilarity. I knew that Kira guy (
    was wrong in the head. (
    It gets all that much funnier when I imagine Mr. Walsh intoning his response in the ghostly voice of L. (

  2. Comment by Legatuss:

    The Crusades were not an attack, in fact, they were a counterattack.

    First the Muslims started in Saudi Arabia, and after that, all the surrounding territory was conquered by military force. They invaded North Africa, and from there, invaded Spain (using slave soldiers from Africa) and attempted to invade France and the rest of Europe, but were beaten back. In the Mediterranean, they constantly raided the coast of Europe for booty and slaves for centuries. They constantly battered at Europe through Eastern Europe, mostly being held off by the remnant of the Roman Empire called today the Byzantines. This went on for centuries, with massive raids for slaves and booty. Eventually, though, the Byzantines became decadent, lost their strength, and then lost at the battle of Mezinkert, and in the civil war that followed that, lost most of their core territory.

    With the Byzantines unable to stand as a barrier against further Muslim attacks, Europe was now vulnerable. Knowing this, and tired of the constant attacks after centuries, when the Byzantine emperor called for a little help to reconquer some of the lost territory, a huge and unexpected army of Europeans showed up and attacked, well, pretty much everyone in the area. This kept the Muslims occupied for a while, which, with other later battles, saved Europe and eventually stopped most of the slave raids as well.

    Thus, the idea is that, if someone attacks you constantly for hundreds of years, killing and enslaving your people, looting your stuff, and raping your women (genetic evidence now back this up), any attempt to fight back is considered an unprovoked attack. Makes sense to me.

    What do they teach them in school these days?

  3. Comment by sator:

    Nothing new under the sun: Mr Walsh enjoys his fair share of leftist loveletters.
    The most amusing to date was the one from the “theologian” with a “phd” that insisted on the fact that Mr Walsh was a bad Christian because Jesus was a liberal. I had to leave the comment section because the trolls were on maximum overload mode.

    This case, just as that old one, is just One of the many Submission Rituals leftists have to periodicaly indulge in. For their idols demand they continuosly grovel and roll in excrements and spits literal and metaphorical if they want to continue enjoying their unhallowed blessings.

    PS: Morlockery is a wonderfull, wonderfull world and i’ll steal it without a second tought.

  4. Comment by Zaklog the Great:

    But I guess that is the point, isn’t it? The ‘white male privilege’ shtick wasn’t invented to foster a dialogue, it was invented to suppress it. You tell someone to ‘check their privilege’ because you want to discount everything they just said. It’s a Get Out of Thinking card. It allows you to push wide swaths of people into a nice little box labeled ‘privileged’ and summarily disqualify every thought and idea they bring to the table.

    This is what I hate about progressivism. It’s such a dry, gray, joyless thing. It leaves no room for anyone to have an actual identity of their own. It doesn’t illuminate. It doesn’t enlighten. It doesn’t encourage open expression. It simply turns the lights off and tells everyone to shut up and play along.

    My favorite part, personally, because that is what all leftist dialogue boils down to, “‘Shut up,’ he explained.” Homophobe, transphobe, misogynist, etc. etc. all of it ultimately means, If you don’t agree with me, you are such a terrible person you do not even deserve a voice. Please shut up on your own before I have to persuade the government to shut you up for me. I’d really rather not go that far, not because I think it’s wrong, but because it would reveal more about my true nature than I would like to admit.

    I know someone whom I respect in other ways who has bought into the left’s theories about sexuality. She repeated the story about gay teens committing suicide and how teaching what Christianity says about sex causes this. She seemed completely flummoxed when I pointed out that she was effectively saying, Agree with me or shut up. Otherwise you’re a murderer. This implication was quite clear in what she said, but she couldn’t see it. Effectively we no longer talk about these things at all because she cannot make her case without implicitly insulting me. When I point out these insults, all she can say is that she didn’t mean it. Very well, but you should think very carefully then, because you are saying it.

    • Comment by ConceptJunkie:

      Well, at least she’s a level up from most, who would gladly acknowledge they are insulting you when you point it out.

      Maybe there’s hope for her.

      • Comment by Zaklog the Great:

        I think her tact has more to do with our relationship than with any personal beliefs on her part. And, unfortunately, there are certain events that predictably affect people’s political outlook. Unless she’s very unusual, she will, in the coming years, be leaning more to the left, not less.

    • Comment by RedJack:

      I have seen that also. A woman I grew up with posted something Facebook which stated that Hobby Lobby will be shut down in 9 months because all of it’s female work force will get pregnant immediately unless the company provides abortion coverage.

      When I stated that she was saying the women who work at Hobby Lobby have no ability to restrain themselves, and are so silly they must be taken care of by their employer in the manner of a child, she was shocked.

      She really hadn’t thought her position through, she just emoted.

      • Comment by meunke:

        “She really hadn’t thought her position through, she just emoted.”
        – AKA, she was a leftist.

      • Comment by Zaklog the Great:

        On a less personal note, one of my favorite examples of not thinking through the obvious next step comes from the left’s clown king Jon Stewart. A few years ago, I remember him arguing that of course homosexuality is inborn and immutable. Your sexual desires are pretty stubborn. He gave the example that if you were driving past a pumpkin field and found yourself sexually aroused (I forget the exact terms he used), and a few days later, driving past another pumpkin field, found yourself sexually aroused, well, one of these days you’re going to end up attempting sexual intercourse with a pumpkin. (Cruder language, of course.) Thus, any sexual desire is legitimate and lawful merely by reason of being a sexual desire.

        Anyone who bothers examining the implications of this for five seconds can see the obvious problem with his example. Simply substitute “elementary school” for “pumpkin field” and make other appropriate substitutions elsewhere. Still so committed to this theory, Mr. Stewart?

        But since it’s his show and he’s a leftist, no one present questioned him on this.

  5. Comment by ConceptJunkie:

    With my White Male membership card, my Evil League of Evil Henchman card, my Catholic Tyranny membership card, my Capitalist Running Dog card, my Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy card, my Cisgender Heterosexual Oppressor card, my Bloodmouth Carnist card (, They even have a T-shirt!), and my Friends of Planet Pluto card, the wallet’s getting pretty full and I’m running out of free weeknights from all the club meetings.

    The dues are really adding up, too, but at least the food’s good.

  6. Comment by snarflemike:

    I think we’ve located Kira, or at least her roommate.

  7. Comment by Mary:

    The bankruptcy of white privilege was blatantly clear when one of its defenders solemnly declared that Holocaust survivors had it.

    So, having a slave great-great-grandfather means you’re not privileged. Actually having been a slave — and under conditions that would have Simon Legree joining the lynch party to deal with those responsible — means you are.

  8. Comment by Stephen J.:

    I’ll plead guilty to Family Privilege: i.e., I actually came from an intact two-parent family with a mum and a dad who loved me, my sister and each other, who are still together, and who worked hard to put the family first. The advantages that gave me are profound and I thank God for them every day.

    Of course, admitting that that kind of family provides more such advantage than any other arrangement would undermine several critical progressivist policy goals, so anybody to whom “privilege” matters in this way has a very difficult time acknowledging that.

  9. Comment by Fail Burton:

    Welcome to the swinish world of intersectionalism, also known as “failure.”

  10. Comment by Malcolm Smith:

    I’m interested to know where they get the idea that being male is “privileged”. Men have a shorter life span than women. They are more likely to be victims of violence, to be incarcerated (and receive longer sentences for the same offense), to be addicted to drugs or alcohol, or to be homeless. All of these statistics are usually regarded as indices of oppression when experienced by racial minorities.
    About the only “privilege” we can claim lies in earning more money. But that is largely due to the extra obligations we have towards women (and children). The real fun of money lies not in working hard to earn it, but in spending it, and in the latter activity women have it just as good, if not better.

    • Comment by Stephen J.:

      “The real fun of money lies not in working hard to earn it, but in spending it, and in the latter activity women have it just as good, if not better.”

      Eh, that’s less fun than you might think, especially when there’s no sense of being justly earned that gives extra value to that money. (That’s one reason the private sector almost always spends money more efficiently and effectively than governments; they have a much better appreciation of what was required to earn it and thus a much greater sense of its value.)

      One of the reasons women-targeted markets are so often oriented towards novelty over long-term quality is precisely this belief (which is certainly not true for every individual and may be less generally so today) that women are much more prone to impulse buying and rapid turnover simply because they are more frequently spending money they didn’t personally earn.

      (Of course, it may also go back to hunter-gatherer primal instinct, where if you’re a gatherer and thus most likely female, constant awareness of multiple options and taking as many options as possible as quickly as possible is a better strategy than concentrated investment of effort in a single high-value return. But like all Just-So evolutionary theory stories, this all needs several grains of salt to taste.)

    • Comment by JoeCool:

      Not too long ago, I stumbled upon this cartoon explaining White Privilege. It struck me as particularly interesting that two of the examples she chose to demonstrate white privilege (college graduation and incarceration rates) also favor women as well; I remember reading from my college Sociology book that college graduates skew female something like 60-40%, and 95% of those in jail for violent crimes are men. And yet I never hear about female privilege. Go figure.

      Oh, and I found some sources:

      “For example, among U.S. residents, Black females earned 68 percent of associate’s degrees, 66 percent of bachelor’s degrees, 71 percent of master’s degrees, and 65 percent of all doctor’s degrees awarded to Black students. Hispanic females earned 62 percent of associate’s degrees, 61 percent of bachelor’s degrees, 64 percent of master’s degrees, and 55 percent of all doctor’s degrees awarded to Hispanic students.”

      • Comment by Stephen J.:

        I’m not sure how much of a “privilege” admission to college is if when she comes out of it she still can’t spell “receive” properly, or “likelihood”, or take into account that the “interracial” homicides she notes as being so emphasized and condemned by the media are overwhelmingly the ones committed by Euro-Caucasians against those of other races.

        If I may indulge my not-so-inner Professor Digory Kirke for a moment, good heavens, what do they teach them at these schools these days?!

      • Comment by Malcolm Smith:

        I’m also amazed at the statistic that whites get 71% of bachelor’s degrees. According to the New York Times 2010 Almanac, 87% of the US population is white.

    • Comment by Mary:

      Because they decided that’s not what counts.

      I remember reading of an article about how in the Soviet Union, women got the “short end of the stick” because so many men died in the gulags and WWII that the women — horrors — had to do the male jobs.

  11. Comment by HMSLion:

    I’m being told that as a white, straight, conservative American man I’m the oppressor of all the world. Let’s work this out:

    World population: 6,000,000,000.
    U.S. population 300,000,000.
    Male U.S. population ~150,000,000
    White male population is 70% of that, or 105,000,000. Figure on 100,000,000 after correcting for the homosexuals.

    This means I’m outnumbered 60:1. The ONLY way I can be the oppressor is by dint of inherent mental, physical, and moral superiority. And a lot of it.

    Conclusion: I’m either not an oppressor…or a superman. Choose one – and accept the consequences of that choice.

    • Comment by Zaklog the Great:

      Conclusion: I’m either not an oppressor…or a superman. Choose one – and accept the consequences of that choice.

      Ah, but the inevitable conclusion of leftism is that you are an oppressor, and you got this position by somehow cheating. That’s why everyone who is successful must be brought down; they only got there by cheating. Look up Evan Sayet on Youtube. He has an excellent explanation of all of this.

    • Comment by Pellegri:

      I developed the idea around the last couple of years that people who decry White Male Privilege somehow have a picture of the God-Emperor of Mankind in their head when they see any white male.

      If I had this bizarre mental defect, I too would feel hideously outclassed and oppressed.

  12. Comment by Sir Robert:

    Walsh/Wright 2016 or Wright/Walsh 2016. TBD.

    • Comment by Zaklog the Great:

      Is Walsh old enough? I get the impression he’s relatively young, and you have to be at least 35. Of course, I suppose if we slipped the right people some money, we could have a new birth certificate made.

      (I joke. I joke. I took those stories seriously for about two or three days. To be completely honest, the only reason I gave them any credence was the absolute certainty that if they were true, our media would never tell us.)

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