The Official Alphabetical List of Author Success

I hope any reader of mine will also become a reader of Larry Correia. We do not write the same sort of books, but we have the same sort of attitude.

He has posted a humorous look at the A-List through Z-List of authors, and what are their identifying marks. Some of this is inside joke that I don’t get, albeit you may. I surely recognized the last person listed, however, as well as the first.

The Official Alphabetical List of Author Success

A List – High upon Mount Olympus They Gaze Down Upon the Pathetic Mortals = All the $

  • Authors who are worth more than the GDP of some countries.
  • Authors who build their houses out of gold bars.
  • Characters from their books get their own theme parks.
  • The lady who wrote Twilight.

B List – The King(s) =$$$$$$$$$$

  • Authors who have TV shows about their books starring Peter Dinklage.
  • Authors who sleep on large piles of money.
  • Politicians who get illegal campaign contributions masquerading as advances.
  • Oprah’s Book Club.

C List – The Perpetual Bestsellers =$$$$$$$$$

  • Authors who play poker with Castle.
  • Authors who have lesser TV shows not starring Peter Dinklage.
  • Authors who always get sold in airport bookstores.
  • Authors who are rich enough to have sex scandals and it actually makes the news.

D List – My Wallet Says Bad Motherfucker = $$$$$$$$

  • Authors whose quarterly tax withholdings are sufficient to purchase a new Mercedes Benz.
  • Authors who’ve written a shit load of books for a whole lot of years.
  • Snooki
  • The International Lord of Hate.

And so on in like manner. Read and enjoy.

9 Comments

  1. Comment by DGDDavidson:

    Now we can all figure out where we stand on the list. Hm, I’ve sold a couple of things, so I think I qualify for P-list.

    On the other hand, I’ve written My Little Pony fan fiction and posted it to FIMFiction.net, so I’m probably X-list.

    • Comment by M. L. Martin:

      I’ve sold a couple of things (albeit only in the RPG field), have written and posted fanfic, have done free and uncredited published work (again in the RPG field), and have done free and credited published work that wound up on the NYT best-sellers list … and was later cut from the paperback and more or less repudiated by my co-author. I think I need a whole new letter. :D

  2. Comment by Raphael:

    Hm, I guess I’m located somewhere around M or N. I know I’m above O, because I can join SFWA, and can more than afford the dues with my earnings, but am withholding my membership at present.

    But as someone who’s taken his wife out to Applebee’s on short-story sales, I’d just like to point out that they actually have this great 2-for-$20 deal which comes with a free appetizer.

    (In order to justify my counting 2-for-$20 dinner at Applebee’s plus a streamed movie rental as a successful date nite, I’d have to explain where I live, but that’s another story…)

  3. Comment by curtjester:

    It was quite a joy when I first saw you two referencing each other. There are many authors I enjoy, author blogs not so much. Usually full of PC pieties, so I relish the exceptions.

  4. Comment by Tiago Becerra Paolini:

    I came to know Larry thanks to this blog a couple of months ago. Now I am reading his Monster Hunters series.

  5. Comment by Sean Michael:

    Ha,ha,ha!!! I suppose the late Tom Clancy, J.R.R. Tolkien, J.K. Rowling, Stephen King, etc., are among the A List Olympians disdainfully looking down at the struggling hoi polloi writers below them. And pols like Hillary Clinton IMPROPERLY belong on the B List.

    Alas, my single most favorite SF writer, Poul Anderson, probably only made it to the D List, when he deserved to be on the A List.

    Sean M. Brooks

  6. Comment by CPE Gaebler:

    Wooo, I’m a U! :D

  7. Comment by Ben Zwycky:

    I guess I’m an S, then, though my job isn’t very frustrating.

  8. Comment by fabulous_mrs_f:

    Is it possible to be on the S list and the U list at the same time? Struggling and aspiring pretty much sum up my writing career thus far.

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