5000 Thanks for Dr T

A few days ago I wrote a post where I mentioned an album I was eyeing with envy, for some enterprising and unduly devout music historian had unearthed the long lost original soundtrack, and music sketches, alternate versions and cut themes from that wonderful and criminally obscure film THE 5000 FINGERS OF DR T, the only motion picture Dr Seuss ever made. Being poor as a churchmouse, I could not afford so idle a luxury, no matter how badly I craved it.

A generous fan of mine came to my rescue. I wish to extend my thanks.

I love the collection. I just spent the whole morning arranging and rearranging playlists, so that I could hear the half a hundred songs and clips or so in particular orders to suit particular moods.

The missing songs paint an interesting picture of what the original conception for this motion picture was. It touches on darker themes than anything appearing in Dr Seuss’ children’s books.

One cut song, the sprightly and gay ‘Freckle on a Pygmy’ cynically begins with the line:

Oh, the sadness of existence in this grim and gruesome life

In this world of woeful misery and fearful, tearful strife

Oh me! Oh my! Oh me!

A more melancholy tune is sung by the mother to her orphaned son about the many questions he has that torment him. In the song she confesses that she had the same questions in her youth, but that upon growing up, found their were no answers.

Please, O please, O please cease asking why

Some things are beyond explaining, and there’s no use to try…

More amusingly, the evil piano teacher sings about his favorite note. He loves it ‘ringing in his throat’. It is not fa, not so nor la. His favorite note (so he belts out with operatic exuberance) is MEEEE!

The best song recovered from the oubliette of time is the Evil Rollerskating Twins Song, who are connected by a shared beard. They sing as follows:

Ho! We are the guards, who are terribly, terribly feared!

Two terrible twins, with a terrible Siamese beard!

Ho! We are a thing, a thing you could not call a friend;

One Siamese beard, with a twin with a twin on each end!

We’re vicious and mean! We’re unkind and unkempt and uncouth!

We have been that way since our earliest, earliest youth!

Each year we get worse, for that is the unfortunate trend,

Of Siamese beards with a twin with a twin on each end!

Ho! We are the guards, of Terwilliker-illiker’s land!

We’re here to make sure that the boys will not get out of hand!

Don’t try to get fresh! In the land of the land we defend!

Or you will get choked–

–by the beard of the twins

–of the Siamese beard

–With a terrible Twin on each end!

… And if you cannot hear the rhythm, wit and wordplay characteristic of Dr Seuss, go reread SCRAMBLED EGGS SUPER.

The song was cut but not the theme. The tune playing in the background of the rollerskating fight scene is from this song:

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