The Periodic Table of Awesoments
The news today is simply too depressing, so instead of making any comment about the decline and fall of the American Republic, I will post the Periodic Table of Awesoments!
Let me see how my SFF novels score!
ORPHANS OF CHAOS: 4 explosion, 13 Boobs, 18 assassin, 21 Laser, 25 Sonic Boom, 31 Space, 36 Vampire, 48 Hyperspace, 53 robots, 54 Wizard, 85 aliens, 59 Dragon, 118 Ghost. Beer, Chocolate, and coffee, (6,7, 15) are mentioned in one scene, and there is 51 liquor. Believe it or not, there is even 98, a Guitar Solo. Despite what some people seem to think, there is no 113 sex in this book. Even my montrous villain Grendel has the common decency to wait until he is lawfully married.
LAST GUARDIAN OF EVERNESS: 118 Ghost (since Azrael de Gray is, in fact, dead) 54 Wizard, 9 Pirates (the Selchie are pirates), 70 Werewolf (Selkie turns into a wolf in one scene) 83 Storms (Thanks to Raven Ravenson) 81 Tornado (ditto) 49 lightning (ditto) 39 Sword (at least two magic swords), 36 Vampire (Koschei the Deathless counts as a vampire). 104 Battleships (lots of them). There is no MF Samuel L Jackson, but I used real battleships in the assault on Acheron (which counts as 107 Fortress), so I feel I should get Samuel L Jackson credit.
NULL-A CONTINUUM:
4 explosion (lots of them), 76 rayguns (lots of them), 78 teleport (lots and LOTS of that), 79 Computers, 80 Time Travel (including foreward, backward, sidewise, and outside of time altogether). There is inexplicably no entry here for destroying and recreating the universe, or having galaxies collide, or coming back from the dead, or any Way Cool mind-powers aside from Jedi, and, even more bizarrrely, there is no entry here for Space Princesses, so Null-A is more awesome than this chart accounts for.
GOLDEN AGE:
Not hyperspace, and no aliens in the Golden Age. However, the Phoenix Exultant counts as a 72 Monster Truck, there are 79 Computers (lots of that), and there is also 61 a Penguin. I feel I should get triple credit here, becauseit was a robot penguin. With a jetpack.
HAMLET:
118 Ghost, 39 Sword, 6 Beer, wait… I didn’t write Hamlet! Shakespeare did. Well, this proves Shakespeare is Awesome.
About John C Wright
John C. Wright is a practicing philosopher, a retired attorney, newspaperman, and newspaper editor, and a published author of science fiction. Once a Houyhnhnm, he was expelled from the august ranks of purely rational beings when he fell in love; but retains an honorary title.
