Giant Hand in Space

NASA scientists would like to assure the public that viewing the nebula at PSR B1509-58 has none of these dire side effects! Speaking on behalf of UN-NASA, the evil version of Carl Sagan from the Anti-Earth of the newly-created Negaverse, on behalf of the Justice Lords, our new rulers, has announced that the six different versions of Earth currently orbiting the sun are a perfectly natural phenomenon, having nothing to do with the unwise meddling in things man was not meant to know.

Naturally, the parallel worlds are all the ones you’d expect: one where Rome never fell, one where the Nazis won World War II, the Reds won the Cold War, the Amazon world where Women are in Charge (including, impossibly enough, a female president! How weird is that!!), or where Cicero Hood the Black Attila has conquered Americawith his Land Leviathan, and, of course, the one where the South, as it should have done, managed to emerge victorious in the War of Northern Aggression. The West Virginians of that world, in rebellion against the Confederates, have sent us weak and wavering radio signals, begging for help, since their capital, the domed city of Wheeling, is under attack by skyscraper-sized Confederate Robots, led by Bo and Luke Duke. The Bo and Luke of our world are outraged, and have vowed to unleash their giant mecha, the General Lee, in Barbacane’s moon-gun toward the enemy world. Cicero Hood, for obvious reasons, has agreed to launch a fleet of rocket-planes from his version of earth to their aid, and Jadis Hitler VI of the Third Reich is willing to offer support to the Confederates, who appear unwilling to accept it, and meanwhile Premier Ivan Vanko from the Communist Earth has declared war on the Confederates, vowing to free the oppressed slaves. The imperator of the Roman world, Julian the Apostate, has announced his space legions will only enter a terratory when invited by the local leaders, to defend their just claims and restore order.

No word yet on how, or even whether, the three versions of Mars (Barsoom, Malacandra, and the home of intellects vast and cool and unsympathetic known as the Advocacy) will react. Ogilvie the Astronomer has the remote, red world under close observation.

The two versions of Jupiter have collided, forming a turbulent, supermassive world that may ignite into a dwarf nova star, killing all living things in the solar system. Kurt Newton and Clark Savage Jr. aboard the spaceship Discovery are attempting a landing on one of the parallel versions of Europa, to investigate whether the race that sent the Monolith could be prevailed upon to intervene and save us. According to the laws of the Five Galaxies, the patron race of any ‘uplift’ operation evolving non-sapients to sapients are required to protect their client species.

Evil Sagan also announced that he will be using his Mobius Throne to penetrate the Source Wall at the outer rim of reality. Together he and the warlock Cob, who has studied the Palnish Lore, and Lieutenant Gary Mitchell, are expected to halt the cycle of incarnation and reincarnation, so that, by necromancy, they will live forever, and also recieve infinite power. There are expected to be no bad side effects to this.