Legion of Doom
From the Mickey Mouse HOUSE OF MOUSE show, an episode where the Disney Villains combine against the forces of Mouseness.
I admit I have a fondness for this kind of “Legion of Doom” assembly of all one’s villains from wildly different stories into one spot, in part because the science fiction fan-save part of my brain always wonders why creatures of such vastly different power levels and backgrounds would team up.
You know what part of the brain I mean: the one where, once the Star Trek crew discovers the secret of how to create psycho-kinetics by means of an injection, or how to restore adults to childhood with a transporter accident, realizing that Star Fleet does not routinely restore retired and successful admirals to eighteen year olds in active service equipped with psycho-kinetics, invents the plausible reason (that the writers did not invent) to save the continuity and the sense of the story. It is that same part of the brain which fishes around to invent a reason why Han Solo can make the Kessel run in under 12 parsecs, or which explodes when Qui-Gon explains that psycho-kinetics is caused by midochloridians in the bloodstream.
It is that part of your brain which can only be silenced by the famous words, “Dude, I think you are overthinking this. Seriously.”
In any case, watching the House of Mouse, that part of my brain goes: why are two Siamese cats, whose power is to trouble a nice dog named Lady, in the same Legion of Doom as Gaston (egotistical hunter) Captain Hook (pirate and snappy dresser), Jafar (sorcerer), Ursula (sea-witch and amphibious), Malificent (evil fairy queen), Hades (Greek God), not to mention the Devil from Bald Mountain? Also in the group is Cruela de Vil, whose power is that she wants a fur coat, and is willing to kill puppies to get one.
But I consider the Legion of Doom suffers the same problem, and, to a degree, the Justice League. If you are on dry land, it is hard for the writers to figure out something for Aquaman or Aqualad to do, unless you make him (as recently the TEEN TITANS show did) a water-bender a la Kitara of the Water tribe.
And while Hawkman is fine in his own stories, where the Golden Age version (at least) was a man-of-adventure who merely happened to own a flying suit, that fanboy fansave part of the brain always wonders what they said during the job interview to Hawkman:
“Hey Hawkman! Superman can fly, and bend steel with his bare hands and shoot xrays from his eyes. Hey! and Martian Manhunter has ALL of Superman’s powers, plus he can change shape and walk through walls. And Green Lantern can fly and create any anything he can imagine out of glowy green energy. Whereas you can — uh — fly and use archaic weapons.” To which Hawkman replies, “Batman can’t fly!”
Now, I am not saying the Legion of Doom did not have similar job interview questions:
Lex Luthor: “Gorilla Grodd can control minds, is superstrong, and command the supertechnology of Ape City. Doctor Polaris can control the force of gravity. Bizarro can do everything Superman can do. What exactly are your qualifications, Black Manta, high tech pirate of the modern age?”
Black Manta: “Well. I …”
Lex: “Yes?”
Black Manta: “I have a boat.”
Lex: “Hmm…”
Black Manta: “But Riddler does not have any superpowers either!”
Riddler: “That’s not true! My power is to leave clues behind deliberately to lead the enemy right to our base!”
Lex: “Very well! The Siamese cats are in!”
About John C Wright
John C. Wright is a practicing philosopher, a retired attorney, newspaperman, and newspaper editor, and a published author of science fiction. Once a Houyhnhnm, he was expelled from the august ranks of purely rational beings when he fell in love; but retains an honorary title.
