Nooooooooooooooo!
Here is an article about a documentary I think I appear in, called The People vs. George Lucas
At least, I was filmed for it, and I don’t know if my footage made the final cut, since I haven’t had the pleasure yet of seeing it. The man being interviewed here Alexandre O Phillip, interviewed me during a spare moment of my Worldcon visit to Montreal.
The just-released Blu-ray edition of ‘Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi’ adds an awkward “noooo!” to Darth Vader’s dialogue during the climactic battle between Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill) and the Emperor (Ian McDiarmid). It’s one of several tiny tweaks found in the Blu-ray editions that have fans hopping mad.
My comment:
Man, I loved those films. Man, I hate Lucas. He IS the Dark Side. We all miss you Leigh Brackett !
Note to readers: I am NOT rewriting NULL-A CONTINUUM to add a completely gratuitous tweaks of yelling Noooooo!! to the scene where Gilbert Gosseyn finds out that his false memories cover his true identity, discovering that he is actually his own son produced by an awkward time-travel sex-switching accident.
The scene, if you recall, takes place when Gilbert, wounded, is clinging by one hand to the nadir hull of the floating cloud city of Venus, addressing Lavoisseur, now revealed to be Gilbert Gosseyn version Two!
Gilbert Gosseyn One (weeping): I’ll never serve you!
Gilbert Gosseyn Two (sternly): “Search your FEELINGS, Gilbert! Use the Null-A Cortical-Thalamic Pause! I am your FATHER! And, well, I am you also! Sort of!
Gilbert Gosseyn One (anguished): Nooo! That can’t be true!
Gilbert Gosseyn Two (triumphantly): You know it to be true! We can rule the Greatest Empire together as FATHER AND, um, VERSION!”
Gilbert Gosseyn One (aside): Version Three! Why didn’t you tell me! Why—
Gilbert Gosseyn Three (voice from offstage): because I erased your memory when I created you, remember?
Gilbert Gosseyn One (muttering): Jerk.
Gilbert Gosseyn Two (embarrassed): And I am your mother also. You see, being trapped in a time loop gets kind of lonely, and there was all that genetic restructuring equipment there, and no one was looking but Enro, darn that Peeping Tom, and so I just created a small Moebius paradox, and, uh— you see, my middle name is Patrick, and my mother’s maiden name was Hardie, so naturally I—”
Gilbert Gosseyn One: As a man with a Null-A trained double brain, let me just say EWWW! You committed incest! With yourself!
Gilbert Gosseyn Two (defensively): It is not that different from masturbation, if you think about it. It is very nearly close to a sexual practice that is almost perfectly normal. Anyway, rule the Greatest Empire together, as Clone and Other Clone! Join me! And we can end this ruinous conflict!
Gilbert Gosseyn One: I’ll never join you!
(He then drops down the spine of the Cloud City of Venus, knowing that if this body dies his memories will be transferred to a prepared duplicate. But, before his hits bottom, there is a moment of distorter discontinuity, and he is standing next to Gilbert Gosseyn Two, who has used his 20 decimal point similarity technique to teleport his falling body safely to the platform next to him.)
Leej the Predictress: Boy, I saw that one coming.
(Added Tweak) Gilbert Gosseyn One: Nooooooooooooooo!!!
Fanboy: Wait. If Gilbert Gosseyn can teleport to any memorized location, why was he hanging by one hand from the bottom of a Cloud City thingie? Couldn’t he just memorize a spot and bampf to it, or, better yet, memorize and energy socket and pour a zillion volts into evil version Two? The whole scene makes no sense.
Author: Nooooooooooooooo!!!
About John C Wright
John C. Wright is a practicing philosopher, a retired attorney, newspaperman, and newspaper editor, and a published author of science fiction. Once a Houyhnhnm, he was expelled from the august ranks of purely rational beings when he fell in love; but retains an honorary title.
