Play the Casting Couch Game
A reprint of an article from 2007, for those of you who have not seen it.
This is a question for anyone out there who read my book, ORPHANS OF CHAOS. If they made it into a movie, whom would you pick for the various roles?You are allowed to pick actors and actresses from when they are younger than they are, so that “Harrison Ford When He Was Young” is a perfectly legit choice.
I am not very good at this game, since no one seems quite to be what I imagined, but here below are some suggestions.
I could not find anyone who looks like Victor Triumph, who is cool, blond, and stoical. This is the closest I could get.
Alison Doody as Amelia Windrose. Picture her in flight helmet, goggles, and jodhpurs
Lindsay Lohan as Vanity Fair.
Vanity is supposed to be somewhat well-endowed and cheerful. I am not sure if Lohan is the best choice.
Kate Winslet when she is a redhead could also play Vanity. Note large green eyes.
Mario Lopez (Slater) as Colin Mc FirBolg. Shown here with his shirt off.
This one was hard to cast, because he is described as “built like a wrestler”– most actors these days are slim and boyish.
Lopez fits the bill because he has that devil-may-care grin that is pure Colin.
Hugh Grant as Quentin Nemo.
He would have to be cgi’s to be short and young, but he has that earnest look we want in a Quentin.
Of course, this overlooks the more obvious choice:
Oh, come on. You were thinking it.
OKAY! Bad Guys:
Brian Blessed as Headmaster Boggin.
I realize that Boggin is supposed to be redheaded and cleanshaven, but Brian Blessed has the right attitude, and hey, its a movie, so we will be lucky if they don’t change the Greek pantheon into a White Separatist Terrorist group, so don’t gripe.
For the movie version, we can add a scene where Boggin discovers that Colin Mac FirBolg is still alive, so that Brian Blessed can belt out with roaring wonder: “Colin Mac Firbolg ALIVE!! And approaching on a Hawkman rocket-cycle?!!”
Ben Kingsley as Ananias Fell.
Maybe him. Or Michael Ansara (The guy who does the voice of Dr. Freeze on Batman.)
(Fanboys will recognize him as Kang the Klingon on Star Trek)
Margaret Hamilton as Mrs. Wren. The obvious choice.
Freddie Jones as Grendel Glum. You should have seen him in COLDCOMFORT FARM.
Grace Kelly as Miss Daw. No one else has the perfect icy beauty.
Aishwarya Rai as the Hindu Princess Draupadi.
Okay, this character is not in my book, but its my blog, and so there is a completely gratuitous picture of Aishwarya Rai.
UPDATE
I just thought of a better choice for Amelia.
Helen Slater as Amelia Windrose.
Now there is a girl who looks like she runs track and can do 4-D geometry in her head.
What a cutie pie. If Grendel touches her again, he dies.
Speaking of which, I thought of a better choice for Grendel Glum.
The great Robert Newton. That’s more like it. Here is what he looks like underwater:
He can also play Mannanen the Seal King if they make LAST GUARDIAN OF EVERNESS into a talkie. Ha Har, maties!
About John C Wright
John C. Wright is a practicing philosopher, a retired attorney, newspaperman, and newspaper editor, and a published author of science fiction. Once a Houyhnhnm, he was expelled from the august ranks of purely rational beings when he fell in love; but retains an honorary title.
