From the pen of Andrew Klavan
KLAVAN: You Can’t Read the Bible Here! This is America! [Satire]
Several states are considering laws mandating public school classes in Bible literacy, though leftists say this violates the constitutional separation of the church and the state of godless immorality.
President of the ACLU Les Wright, in a speech to a golden statue of a goat, said, “As head of the American Civil Liberties Union, I strongly oppose America, civility, liberties and union. If the Bible is taught in schools, I fear it might poison the minds of innocent children with the idea that they are endowed by God with individual rights. And that’s not who we are.”
Wendy Rage, the president of Atheists Seeking to Stamp out Holy Authority and Teaching (ASSHAT) issued a statement saying, “What has the Bible given to America? Absolutely nothing. It’s a fly in the ointment when the powers that be want to cast the first stone that will lead to a fall from grace as when the blind are leading the blind. If we can’t see eye to eye on this, I’m at my wit’s end and wash my hands of the matter with a broken heart. Instead of having words put in our mouths, can’t we rise and shine and eat, drink and be merry until we bite the dust? Or is it a sign of the times that the writing’s on the wall and in the twinkling of an eye we’ll leave the strait and narrow and die by the sword.”
When told that every phrase in her statement actually came from the Bible, as did most of her ideas and values, Miss Rage said, “Gee, I didn’t know that! They should have taught us the Bible in school!”
Alexandria Occasional Cortex, Democrat Congresswoman from the State of Utter Ignorance, also opposed Bible Literacy, saying, “I don’t have to know the Bible to say what morality is any more than I have to know anything to say anything.”
God Himself also issued a statement. It’s called the Bible.
My Comment: I have read satires funnier, but not one wittier, than the recitation of Biblical phrases and quotes put in the mouth of the make believe critic of Biblical learning.
Adults, and Conservatives, honor the traditions of the past to preserve and pass on its hard won heritage to our posterity. Children, and Leftists, live in the eternal present.
About John C Wright
John C. Wright is a practicing philosopher, a retired attorney, newspaperman, and newspaper editor, and a published author of science fiction. Once a Houyhnhnm, he was expelled from the august ranks of purely rational beings when he fell in love; but retains an honorary title.
